Woh pareshaan karte rahein……a tale of Kejri’s never ending talkie

Drama Queen, the song starring Sidharth Malhotra and Parineeti Chopra in the movie Hasee to Phasee was a hit with its catchy lyrics and Vishal-Shekhar music. But there has been a conundrum, in the new Kejriwal drama queenalike. The ad not only rightfully glorifies the AAP convenor as some type of Amitabh Bachchan in “Jadugar”, but also re-emphasises the basket of dreams that the AAP as a party is still living in. Shazia Ilmi, the middle aged pretty face of news television could have continued her innings on television news. But she chose to jump in politics of change that Kejriwal was offering.

But the real drama started to churn out a bit early. The egoism which started to bore fruit has its roots even before the AAP and its idea took shape. NDTV was reporting in early 2012, how Anna may soon form a political party of his own. But soon, the great opportunistic Mahatma that the man of Ralegan Siddhi is, backed off. The “pareshani” that Kejriwal ads talk about today, started that very day, when Swaraj, the book of Kejriwal was launched in front of eminent personalities including Anna Hazare amidst the Ramleela frenzy.

Vinod Mehta, said that seeing the mirage of relation between the old man and his subordinate, on the occasion of release it would take a real miracle to stich the two together. So Hazare, became the first cause of “problem” that Kejriwal ads complain about. The two soon parted ways. In the same manner Kiran Bedi, who stated her accomplice with Anna openly claimed, “Kejriwal has a unique mannerism of overdoing everything.” The two Magsaysay awardees were at necks at the juncture. Bedi, whose BJP empathy was evident became a cause of problem or pareshani again. Shall I mention about the Kejriwal ads once more?

Then came the turn of the media- who, alleges Raj Thackeray painted and conceived the AAP. The media which stood erected behind the newborn, now began to turn the toll of things. The notion of “sab chor hain” very soon applied itself in the gardening of conspiracies and utopian theories Kejriwal and Kejriwal ads are potent at. Arnab became livid at the meritocracy of AAP not to send a single spokesman to his channel! The drama continued. Somnath Bharti who excels allegedly in beating up wives, became the martyr in the eyes of Kejriwal.

Bharti even forced Nigerian woman to what Chatur of Three Idiots calls “Mutravisarjan”. But more than that, if Kejri sacrificed something-it was his usp of commonality. Somnath Bharti’s wagging of fingers could not satisfy the krantikaari intellectuals who vouched for him as a leader-neither a dynast nor an inessential chest thumper. Then, came the promo-spoof to the republic parade, which made the Delhi CM adorned in a muffler, a quarrelsome, self-obsessed caricature and anarchist. The Kejriwal ads for sure will never talk about the “pareshani” the common man had to incur because of his tantrums and self-triumphalism.

The Anil Kapoor last solo hit “Nayak” seemed to have heavily influenced the matter and molecule of Kejriwal’s character. The ‘Parivaartan” which brought the IRS officer to the porridge of activism failed to train him with the idea of extensive realism. The recent theatre of the absurd played out by Arvind, after securing a stout victory only proves the character orbit of the man- limited to confrontation. Delhi police, for God’s sake has never been the inherited treasure of Narendra Modi. So to take barbs at him as per the rules of the continuum only reaffirms the David vs Goliath foetus still beaming in his heart despite the Varanasi blunder.

Ashutosh’s book says that Kejriwal broke down after the Loksabha disaster. The AAP confectionary in Bengal merged into the BJP bakery. “how did this happen?’ Arvind said as tears rolled down his cheeks. Well, I could not but drone myself with this melodramatic overdose. Actually, Shazia Ilmi is somewhat correct to the statement, that the profession of acting suits Arvind as a better vocation. The Kejriwal ads only seem to glorify the man, who many a times have not missed an opportunity to deify himself!

Yogendra Yadav, a socialist liberal who inverted the rightist tilt of the AAP and its “thou affaire” with self-invested belly showing Gurus, had to be heckled (if the pseophologist is to be believed along with the legal eagle Prashant Bhutan) and abused by the vigilante justice system demanded so often by the AAP conglomerate. Now, as the noose widens around the electorate of Delhi, the Kejriwal ads say,

“Woh pareshan karte rahein, Hum Kaam karte rahein…”

The mockery which started with the earlier Kejriwal ads hopefully (though I am sure it hasn’t) has called for a close. Most of the achievements ironically in the chest thumping process are mere assumptions, yet to be started. Again to bring in a filmy corollary, it looks like just how the name and available diction of the upcoming movies become the centre of discussion in the public platforms, the Delhi CM also expects his still to be started work to make a buzz and sound. An opposition leader rightfully remarked, “He can make news out of nothing.’

If the history of masala-ised talkies which AAP is so adept in producing, directing and acting are anything to go by, Kejriwal is not embarrassing his DNA. He is also not trying to be in the news. Because, his is a party with a difference- a metamorphosis between a normal human brain and a human brain with abnormal features. So stick to the sits. Pop corns chalega kya?


Propriety,Politicians and Presstitutes-part I

Propriety is better preached than practised. And it has never been an unholy sport played by a single political player. Over and over again,such a stance has been displayed-many a times with utmost disgrace by the netas of this country. The matter of accommodation of a number of instances of nepotism has always been a pre established fact. Those, who today sign up for facebook and hope to change the country must remember that such a rot has always been there-most of the times not embodied by any sense of moral justification.

At a point of time,when P.H.D degrees can be won over at 2 lakh bucks without submitting a single thesis,the mask of social justice seems to be embroidered with immorality and disgust. Ottavio Quattrocchi, who was one of the most infamous and iconic characters of the mid 80’s disempowered the slide mandate behind Rajiv’s victory. The concocted view of impropriety that the opposition including the 2 MP backed Bharatiya Janata Party thundered seems today nothing but a matter of mere story telling.

The matter of morality has always in some way or the other exposed itself to be a relative term of sorts. The Kashmir issue for Musharraf is based on morality, while the same pendulum seems to sing a different tune in the case of Gilgit-Baltistan.But,somehow the case of propriety seemed to have been a major USP,that the Modi Government had set out to champion. The Modi speech at Shanghai calling for a #scamfreeIndia stands today critically challenged in front of an armoured opposition.

Author's crisp thought:Hope the Foreign minister is not threatening to slap arnab Goswami!
Author’s crisp thought:Hope the Foreign minister is not threatening to slap Arnab Goswami!

Sushma Swaraj has been a major disappointment for a party which failed to take her into confidence initially when Modi was being elevated. I heard Rajdeep sardesai,on the shapath day on the 26th in the month of May last year getting somewhat enamoured and slightly surprised at the fact that Sushma was being engaged into the PM’s confidant-ship. Swaraj who promised to shave her hair,lest Sonia became PM could have thought little that her image in 2015 will prove to be a slander towards her nationalistic credentials.

Swaraj, who is known for her unrelenting oratorical machismo,had stood for morality during the December rape of 2012. However, now when she is the subject of cacophony and immorality,her preceding stance seems to haunt her. The sati-savitri stereo-typed image which till today emboldened her stature in a ultra dominant male world till a few days back was admirable. Alas! no more it seems.

Sushma’s daughter Bansuri and husband Swaraj Kaushal have been legal counsels to a fugitive called Lalit Modi. The man who fortunately for idolent people like me made cricket more of an entertainment was always under the scanner for his not so clean vests. But what is all the more intriguing a fact is the PR rifles that the not so fair both personally and facially Modi has. While, Rajdeep Sardesai was getting wined and dined-to quote the acid tongued Arnab Goswami , it was surprising for me how Lalit to believe Rajdeep had made friends with politicians in Cuba.

author's crisp thought: Nicotine does ease tension!
author’s crisp thought: Nicotine does ease tension!

The lack of judgement being exercised by the External Affairs Minister by partially bailing out Lalit on the grounds of humanity has fewer buyers after repeated exposes. Sushma infact panicked after the Times Now broke the story at 9:07 a.m on the 14th of the month. The Portuguese research centre whose quality of treatment allows a patient to party post two days of operation was a must have for the ex IPL Czar. And Sushma whose family connections bisected that of Modi’s could not forbid the appeal of Modi.

The Bigger Question-Did the Prime Minister know??? A man who has always showcased himself to be someone with absolute control over the Government can’t afford to say that he was negligent of the fact while he toured the foreign countries taking upon himself the role of Sushma, A man, who was so intricately absolved in the articulating external affairs was indifferent to the matter of quid-pro-quo carried by one of his own top 4 ministers? Sushma was only a few days back being honoured as one of the most successful ministers. So the review system must have faulted somewhere.

Kirti Azad tweets...
Author’s crisp thought:Sabotage angle? Swapan Dasgupta don’t get offended!

When the tweet of Kirti Azad mentioning the hashtag #asteenkasaanp appeared it did provide a compelling story into the divided family of the BJP. The role of Indian surrogate Keeth Vaz has also sqandered troubling questions. Propriety,it seems is something the BJP can now sacrifice with ease. Troubles it seems awaits the already infected malady….

Urbanised republic or ruralist democracy?

“lndia lives in her villages” -Mahatma Gandhi

The telling story of a changing nation has been the identity of India in the post liberalised segment.India still is largely the country of the poor or to be more specific the country of acute class divisions.

The Marine Drive of Mumbai largely showcases the boom of a burstling middle class.In the same state in Marathwada, farmers commit suicides to save themselves from the dwindling downturn of agricultural production due to unseasonal rain.

The basic criteria for deciding Human Development Index provides a 135th place for the world’s largest democracy,leading by 11 from archrivals Pakistan.Arnab Goswami can feel optimistic by seeing that India has atleast been able to defeat Pakistan!

The nature of urbanization has been for long a battle of contention.The lopsided presence of natural resources has only helped reasonably in providing inequitable progress in the country.Even the mechanism of internal trade or domestic barter has been unsuccessful in creating the greatest good for the greatest number(Jeremy Bentham).

While flipkart and Amazon have been the source of better employment,the middle and the elitist class have been the major benefactors.Pornography may have increased libidos but not rural employment for sure.The so called Left of centre parties have only considered the dairy traders and paddy cultivators as their loyal votebank.

But the general notion of Bijli-sadak-pani still guide majority number of elections in the rural economy. The women of villages whose physique may not resemble that of Alia Bhatt still endeavour to live a life of a ‘normal’ human being. 

While on the antipode,urban citizens strive for Wifi and 4G internet connection.The Indian Super League comes out as the general spokesman of Achche Din,but for people of huts good days stand for the time when they will marry off their daughters without dowry.

The Goverments in fact have only served the purpose of a charity organizations.Tax waivers and doles have been the bribe which is an offence whether consumed or given.The protracter of justice has only been biased to income strengths.

The Akhilesh Yadav Government paid ₹75 as an allowance to farmers who have been victims of the recent climatic agony.Am not too sure how many zeros were placed to the right of the two digit figure in the Saifai extravagence.

The crocodile tears being spoilt by the opposition on the issue of Land Bill is like Greg Chapell expressing remorse on the death of cricketian ethics.The democracy practised for roughly 68 years have seen about 100 amendments of the supreme law of the land.

The 42nd Amendment(1976) added the word socialist and secular in the Constitution.Embarking on the plank of Garibi Hatao,the Jawaharlal scion defeated the traditional coterie of syndicateraj-once a true firmanent of democratic Congressi culture.

But the dead,useless communist idea of complete state control blocked urbanisation as well as poverty eradication.The effects of such an abusive decision forced the traditional leftist Manmohan Singh or MMS to author a budget which will satisfy the lords of world economy.

The Panchayati Raaj which Gandhi advocated for most ruthlessly has turned out to be the basement of decentralized party politics.Bloodshed have only increased manifold in such local self government institutional elections.

66.5 crore people defecate in the open.On the discordant note,the hardware shops of the metros keep updating the up to date machineries and basins to be used in the bathroom.Home decoration is emerging as a thriving business in the miniature cocoon of the ocean of humanity.But none has still ben able to beautify the smoky mirror of the sacrosanct ruralist demography.

Today as we stand at the moment of transition in the era of Digital India,it is still an irony that the urban part of the country which is many a times indifferent to voting today sees greater progress than the rural belt which has always voted in much bigger numbers.

The hair style of Virat Kohli may optimise an urban outlook,but the bare nature of India’s more populous section demands greater attention than Deepika’s wardrobe malfunction.Urbanized republic still maybe the heart but ruralist democracy should not be treated as dirt…….



Media-‘maid’or self ‘made’?

From time memorial, two objects have always been targets of ridicule-body trade and the press.Invariably,both have also been an industry of profit-from the days of the Kamasutra to that of Priya Anjali Rai.The times of Kandukari Veersalingam Pantulu presented the contours of controversy which even today never escapes the world of digitalization.Pantulu, the Vidyasagar of the South raised the questions of dowry and casteist evils when the Hindu Reigion was as much repressive as the Church of the Vatican. 

In the contemporary era of 19th Century Bengal, Raja Rammohan Roy pubished two newspapers-Mirat ul Akhbar(Persian) and Sambad Koumudi.Bharatpathik Rammohan wrote articles denouncing the self immolation of widows.He had to face resistence of a regressive society.But that never deterred him from taking on the Lords when the Press Act of 1823 was passed by the alien rule. 

Sripad Amrita Dange published the communist mouthpiece called the Socialist in Maharashtra.The Madras Communist Singaravelue Chettiyar edited Labour Kisan Gazette.The  Kesari was published at the behest of the extremist patriot Bal Gangadhar Tilak.

The press then was neither rowdy nor timid.Well neither were they starmakers or presstitutes.But surely they were influential.The generation gap has been considerable,with the Indian media walking through the lines of transformation from the age of Ramnath Goenka to that of CNN. Rough anchors and primetime shows dominate today’s media.In the era of the Newshour the buck seems to stop with the News Today At 9. 

The rise of journalists from news readers to that of adjudicators is not demotion but the motion in the society suffering from patience paralysis.Consider the use of hashtags solely championed by Times Now.The NDTV hashtag #Q4Prannoy or that of #askRajdeep falls far behind than that of Arnab’s #ihaveaquestion.Incidentally the channel which gives widest mileage to its Super Primetime Anchor itself doesn’t mention his name on its hashtag!

Well but the role of the political media has been that of challenging the corridors of power in modern times. The coal scam,2g,jijaji have all come to light thanks to the endeavours of a vigilant press.But it is a bit misleading why most handles of the leading newspapers and channels in social media carry semi-erotica for sexmongers like me? Even Deepika’s cleavage becomes an object of speculation.

The Nira Radia tapes are pointed at by semi literate gyanis to show corruption within the universally Mudrochised media. But what they fail to decipher is the role of Vinod Mehta and Manu Joseph,from Outlook and Open Magazine respectively. Vinod had to resign from the post of Editor-in-Chief following the revealation.Similarly the critical role of Times Now behind A Raja,Pawan Bansal, Ashwini Kumar,Subodh Kant Sahay epitomised the birth of fearless journalism.Arnab,no doubt deserves kudos for that.

Well politicians have always considered the media as a slut,whom they can use and abuse at their own liking.But media is actually a condom whom many a times you need to buy to prevent unwanted pregnancy.Thats the reason why sting operations on Babri Masjid demolition come out on the eve of 2013 Delhi state elections.

Again there is the institution of affirmative media which asserts the belief of a whistleblower.Even if that demands the excavation of Nehru’s drain of records,the media will be ready to the build the burial.

That is the real image of Indian media-that of bias to unbias. Well there will be times when you will feel excruciating pain while having sex(perhaps because of oversized crotch) but the feeling of carnal pleasure will still play the dominant factor.

Is media a maid?-yah maid of the public

Is media self made?-of course.If that was not the case Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest would have eliminated her.

“BAN”d baaja……….

Hopeless as it may seem,but surely the antiques of the Sangh Parivar is running high.With least respect to minimum democracy we are fast becoming a country of control(except sexual misbehaviour!) or more specifically a Communist State.A dynamic Brahmin(no segregationist thought please!) took the position at the helm of affairs of one of the most urbanized states of the land.But the approach of Devendra Fadnavis is far from being what to expect from a CM in his 40’s. Nagpur is not only known to be the auxillary capital of Maharashtra where the winter session of the State Assembly fructifies,it is also known to be the belly of the RSS.Not mentioning the delicious food of the city which is incidentally behind the growth of fatty acids in Nitin Gadkari’s body! Hence we can all feel from where did the pressure come from! Well conspirators also suggest a strict BJPian gameplan behind the entire crescendo.Asaduddin Owaisi and his MIM have directly emerged as the protector of Muslim interests in Maharashtra. Its a different matter that however hard Owaisi senior may flaunt himself to be secular,as long as Akbaruddin is there he better may be ready to share the same goal post with Yogi Adityanath on the symbol of narrow-mindedness of thought.There can be a serious blow to the Muslim votebank of Congress-NCP and the MIM can become the custodian of Islamic interests.This can result in a massive minority vote split making it easier for the BJP and the Shiv Sena to consolidate on their essentially Hindu votebank.Though, the cause and effect is a bit more complex than Mahua Moitra’s “middle finger” as they say politics is the art of the possible.Economically today Sudhanshu Trivedi of the BJP (who also happens to be an advisor of a more “moderate” Rajnath Singh) categorically said on the Newshour that the future courses in agriculture like organic farming shall require cows. 

Well well well! He definitely forgot to mention about cow’s urine which according to one of the saffron ideologues cures cancer! And the CM fully contradicted what the AG of the State Government said 2 days back. Must congratulate the AG for his kind luck.Fortunately he was not part of the HRD ministry of the Union Government! “Tulsi” may well have been ordered for his last rights! 

The ban on beef is not an idea of substance-even I cannot play cheap humor there. Economically beef export is one of the principal items of significance on the Indian charter. And in any case why and how should the state decide what to eat and what not to eat.Tomorrow shall the power coterie determine the time of my orgasm? One argument is being put out as a strong defence for beef ban.

In the Directive Principles of State Policy, ban on slaughter of cows and cattle have been provided. But 99% of sensible minds know that these surrogates of the Irish Constitution are only a set of guidelines to be followed.Besides, they are not enforcable in the court of law. Sounds a bit like Preetam’s music.Great to hear but little authenticity!

Well it is equally and significantly true many such principles including RTE have been given due recognition by enacting an act! But the manner in which the opposition has made obstructionism an ideal,that idea is little feasable!

The Marathi Manoos Fadnavis has also ensured that multiplexes show Marathi movies in the primetime. Another gimmick?Well equality sometimes also means giving surplus support to the more vulnerable sections of the society.From that front I do agree with Shreyas Talpade that it will help marathi cinema.But will tomorrow hockey be showed on primetime to protect the sport from cricketoholic aggression? Will MTV show Manna Dey songs at 10 am to give a fitting reply to Honey Singh?

Censorship is a double edged sword.The Chinese were not able to ban opium from entering China.Neither could Gorbachev protect Communism in Russia even after proclaiming Perestroika and Glastnost.India’s Daughter had more views in India than what would have been if the documentary was aired on the BBC.Wearing a tight underwear does not and cannot prevent masturbation…………..